Are You Sure The Election Was Real?
Lorenzo Hagerty, November 5, 2004
Maybe the reason I'm questioning
whether the recent election was real is that (in order to
keep some semblance of sanity) I've restricted my television
news input to a single program. Yes, the only TV news I trust
is Jon Stewart's fake news on The Daily Show.
What I like best about that
show is the fact that the news, as presented by Stewart and
his team of highly trained investigative reporters, seems
so real. When he shows those funny clips of Bush saying something
that he later denies ever having said, I actually believe
he caught Bush lying. But then Jon laughs and says it's just
With input like that, you can
see how it would be natural for me to think that the 2004
presidential "election" was not an election at all,
but was a pre-scripted event. Before I explain what I mean
by this, let me make it absolutely clear that this is a fake
news story. No one could possibly believe it is true because
that would involve one of those insane conspiracy theories,
and intelligent people are forbidden by natural law from believing
anything that smacks of a conspiracy, because we all know
that conspiracies don't really exist. Just because the facts
happen to fit this story doesn't mean it's real. So relax
and enjoy my little fantasy.
Many years ago, I was a political
activist engaged in the issue of the live POWs we left behind
in Viet Nam. As those of you who were also involved know,
the issue had almost gained enough momentum get national attention
when Kerry and McCain buried it in their disgraceful Senate
committee hearings. At the time, many Viet Nam veterans and
their families concluded that neither Kerry or McCain could
ever be trusted again. It had become obvious that they must
be reporting to some higher authority than the US Constitution.
Flash forward to 2003. A hick
governor from a small state is all of a sudden whipping up
a major anti-war movement and has figured out how to leverage
the Internet to overpower the other contenders for the top
spot on the Democratic ticket. At the same time, the dark
forces in our government hadn't noticed the digital revolution
until it was too late, and now pictures of Americans torturing
Iraqi citizens flooded the Net. For a moment there, it began
to look like the Capitalist Elite were losing control of the
Suddenly, as if a switch had
been thrown in the back corner of a dark cellar somewhere,
the Corporate-Controlled Media, as if in lock-step, turned
on Howard Dean and practically anointed John Kerry. Something
struck me about that as being just a bit too well-orchestrated
to have happened so quickly and smoothly. Then I recalled
that over a year before the first primary, several party insiders
told me that Kerry, without any doubt, was going to be the
Democratic Party candidate in 2004. Apparently, as early as
January 2001 the fix was in for Kerry. At least that is the
story I heard.
NOW REMEMBER, this is a fake story.
So it's OK to suspend your disbelief for a while, just for
the fun of it.
Now comes the good part. We
hold an election, and our two candidates, the two very best
men our nation has to offer, just happen to be very rich white
men from powerful establishment families. They both just happen
(this is surely a coincidence) to be alumni of the same elite
Eastern university and to have been in the same super-secret,
dark-edged society where they swore blood oaths to one another,
oaths they are unwilling to disclose to the American public.
While all of this is actual fact, let's be honest here. Maybe
this secret society oath they swore was nothing more sinister
than, "I'll be your friend if you'll be mine." Maybe
they won't disclose their secret pledge simply because it
sounds too goofy. That's a possibility too, but it doesn't
really change the story much.
The Big Day finally arrives,
and the Capitalist Elite aren't worried at all. After all,
it's going to be a Skull n Bones victory one way or the other.
However, Bonesmen follow their own code of honor, one that
includes the tenet, "If you broke it, you've got to fix
it." So, as a matter of honor, Bush has no choice but
to serve another four years in a desperate attempt to straighten
out the mess he's made of the world. And Kerry does his part
by running an inept campaign to help Bush win. For example,
Kerry completely ignored the immense amount of energy available
from the anti-war movement. It was quite convenient for his
fellow Bonesman, however, that Kerry almost single-handedly
neutered the rapidly growing band of anti-war activists that
Howard Dean had courted.
Still, We the People wanted
change so desperately that we were even willing to accept
Kerry as a stop-gap measure. Now Kerry was in real trouble.
How could he let Bush remain in power if he got too many votes?
Granted, he was the Corporate Elite's backup man, but they
were far better off with the more simple-minded Bush to push
around. Kerry knew that the Democrats would be thinking about
the 2000 election, the one that was stolen through the massive
vote fraud conducted by officials of the state of Florida.
So, taking his cue from Karl Rove's Big Lie propaganda machine,
late on election night Kerry sent young John Edwards out to
announce that the fight wasn't over until every last vote
was counted. Considering the fact that a significant amount
of voting fraud had already been reported, the nation went
to bed feeling secure in the knowledge that this time the
Democrats wouldn't fold, and that the election would be fair.
No one would have to go out and riot in the streets the next
morning. Everyone relaxed.
What a shock it was then to
awaken to the news that the Bush people had already declared
Bush the winner, and that John Kerry was about to make a concession
speech. HUH? Did they really count every vote like they promised?
What about the 250,000 votes in Ohio that still hadn't been
counted? That was almost twice the size of the current margin
in Ohio. There didn't even need to be a recount or a court
fight. All Kerry had to do was to simply wait until all the
votes were counted. Isn't that what Edwards had promised just
a few hours earlier? Instead, Kerry simply folded, gave up,
OK, now remember, things couldn't
have actually happened this way. It's simply an interesting
series of coincidences that make the facts fit this story
so well. If you try, I'm sure you can come up with even better
stories about what just happened. But please, don't tell me
that the recent election was real. No story should be that
"Are You Sure The Election Was Real?" Copyright
© 2004 by Lorenzo Hagerty
Verbatim copying and redistribution are permitted in any medium
provided this notice is preserved.